This is as good as it gets for my baby’s first day of preschool pictures.
The only reason why I put my oldest child in preschool nine years ago, was because of peer pressure. I was TWO WEEKS away from delivering my second baby, and everyone was in my ear saying I need a break; I need time to recover and be with my new little one and my toddler would drive me bananas.
I remember dropping her off for the first time like it was yesterday. I walked her into her classroom, and she started crying, but the teacher quickly picked her up and distracted her. I kissed her goodbye, went to my car and started balling my eyes out. Marcus was playing football at the time, so I called my mom, and she talked to me until I calmed down.
Flash-forward 9 years later and I’m getting ready to drop off my last kid, my baby boy, the kid that has been at home with Ms. Whitney, Marcus and I longer than any other kid off at preschool for the first time.
Remember, when I said I was going to try not to cry…
I’m still crying.
I knew this day would come and for the last two weeks, every time I thought about sending my baby to preschool, it made my stomach drop. But why? I should be celebrating, right?! I’m free! I have successfully birthed and sent five kids off to school. That’s a job well done. For some reason, I didn’t feel celebratory.
As soon as we pulled up to the preschool, he knew what was happening, and he started crying. I carried him into class and helped put his stuff away as he cried. I made sure to wear oversized glasses to hide the tears welling in my eyes. I even tried to think of something funny to keep them from falling.
Kashius was not having it. He hid behind Marcus, wouldn’t look at the toys and only kept his eyes on us. I wanted to take him and run to the car and drive away. Finally, the teacher picked him up and I kissed him, and he started crying even more. He looked at me like I was feeding him to wolves. My heart broke. I began to walk out of the classroom, and I didn’t even make it to the door when tears started pouring down my face. The teacher said something to me, and I was crying so hard that I couldn’t even turn to answer.
I cried all the way home. Marcus kept asking if I was okay and I kept telling him I was, but I wasn’t. As I walked through the door at home, I started to cry even more. I could not stop. But why? I realize this is way deeper than dropping Kashius off at preschool for the first time.
Almost 13 years ago, I was blessed and given the gift of being able to be a stay-at-home mom. I have been there for their first cries, steps, words, boo-boos and smiles. I have either had an infant, toddler or have been pregnant for the past 13 years. I have always had a little one greet me at the door. Today, I had to let go of my last baby. My job raising babies is officially over. The realization just literally hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am officially unemployed during the day. I no longer have someone crying for me, wanting to follow me around the house, no one getting on my nerves, nothing. My house is eerily silent.
I am many other things besides a mother, but the greatest thing in life is being a mother.
It is a hard pill to swallow when I know this is the beginning of them all being independent little beings and me having to let go.
When I picked Kash up from school today, his face came alive when he saw me. I picked him up, hugged and kissed him over and over. He had a bit of a rough day, but shoot, we both did! In the car, on the way home, he looked at me and said, “I don’t like friends.”
I guess that’s his way of saying he doesn’t want to go back. Ha!
BUT, I know he will adjust. I know soon enough he won’t want to leave preschool, (my other kids all did the same thing). I also know I will adjust. I know that one day I will be praying for school to start so he can get out of my hair, but for now, I will cherish these times with my babies even more, because I know in a blink of an eye, they’ll be gone.