Hi, my name is Jessica Trufant and I am addicted to having babies.
My son, my last baby, turned three yesterday. I cannot believe it! In my career of motherhood, I have never gone this long without being pregnant or having an infant. At times I feel sad, almost empty like I am missing something; the baby chapter of my life has finally closed.
I could untie my tubes…
Should I untie my tubes? Should I give in to my addiction and start all over again? From morning sickness to c-section, to newborn, to toddler and teen?
HELL NO. After quite some time, I have finally excepted that #fiveisenough, and here is why…
I was pretty much scared into tying my tubes during my last c-section. My doctor said, “I don’t want to see you in here again.” I have had six c-sections and the more I have, the higher the risk is for serious and life-threatening complications. So my doctor tied, burned, removed and then burned my tubes again. I wasn’t even supposed to have a fifth and me successfully having a sixth c-section was nothing short of a blessing. We did not want to chance it again.
For some reason, hearing someone tell me I had no choice but to tie my tubes just didn’t sit well with me; I wanted the final say. I wanted to be the one to say when I was done having babies. Tying my tubes was so final, it was as if my motherhood card was being taken from me. Being a mother is my greatest accomplishment. It is the most important job in the world, and that very thing that I was in love with (having babies) was being stripped away.
I love having babies. I always hated being pregnant, but I loved the feeling of being a new mother; there is no better feeling. I love having a tiny human being that solely depends on me, that I could hold, nurture and spoil. What am I going to do if I’m not having babies?
If my doctor wouldn’t have pushed me to tie my tubes, I think I would have kept having babies until my eggs dried up! I am not kidding. My husband was on board for more, so why not keep going forever?!
Three years later, THANK GOD I TIED MY TUBES, BECAUSE #fiveisenough.
I still don’t have my life fully back and I don’t think I ever will. Let’s not even talk about my body… it has shot to hell. In hindsight, having a sixth would have required full reconstruction of my entire figure! I still have a kid that I carry, I still use a stroller, (a big Cadillac, oversized, beep-when-it-backs-up double stroller). My three-year-old still wears a pull-up at night, and sometimes still wakes up several times throughout the night. Just imagine throwing a sixth into that hot mess right there! Oh, and let’s not forget about my other FOUR KIDS that need everyday care!
I can barely manage my own schedule, let alone my kids schedules. I am a soccer mom, dance mom, drama mom, track mom, cheer mom and a regular mom. My husband and I recently had a conversation about how the kids’ schedules are drowning us. I said, “Maybe we shouldn’t have had five.” He then replied, “Yup, you’re right. Or maybe we should have started at age 19 and spaced them apart, 5 years each.”
My hat is off to those mamas that have six, seven, or nineteen kids and counting.
#fiveisenough, because traveling has become too damn expensive and too damn complicated. I mean, how many iPads, snacks, and meltdowns do we have to endure?
#fiveisenough, because… sleep. I’d like to do that one day.
#fiveisenough, because date nights are in between soccer games and day-long cheer competitions.
#fiveisenough, because no one wants to babysit five kids without being handsomely rewarded.
#fiveisenough, because even with a nanny, we are still outnumbered.
#fiveisenough, because my fourth and my fifth are 19 months apart, and my fourth feels ROBBED of her time with us; I think she hates me for cutting her time short. Just imagine if I brought another baby in! I think she would run away.
#fiveisenough, because the school science fair, times five… enough said.
#fiveisenough, because there are too many groceries. We run out of everything on the same day that we buy it, and no one ever likes the same food.
#fiveisenough, because my house looks like pure sh*t, no matter what. I don’t care if someone was there cleaning all day, everyday. The kids will still find a way to tear it up.
#fiveisenough, because with one more, I’d need a church van to transport everyone, and I ain’t about that church van life!
Like I said before if my doctor would not have strongly suggested I tie my tubes, I am pretty sure I would have six, going on seven, babies! It could be done… I would be just fine with one more, but would my mental state be anything stable? I guess I’ll never know.
With my son turning three, it truly does make me sad. I have no more babies. However, it makes me cherish and live in each moment. I knew I couldn’t keep having babies forever, but it’s just a bummer sometimes that my time having babies is up. I can honestly say it excites me now that my girls are becoming more independent, watching them grow and mature has been beautiful.
The next time I am feeling down about having no more babies, I will think about the babies turning into toddlers, and then teenagers, and then say to myself,