How I made it through the sex talk without passing out
Here is the continuation of part one. Remember we have just entered the sex education class………
Karmyn is handed the picture of a woman’s uterus.
She asks me what the picture is, I answer her and immediately followed with, “You’ll learn about it in class.” We walk into the auditorium and it’s full of young ladies and their mothers, it’s only fitting that we sit dead smack in the back. The instructor is a very nice woman and appears to be in her early-to-mid 40’s. Let’s give her a name because I was so nervous when the class started I missed it. Let’s call her “Sex lady.” She starts off talking about young women and body image, Sex Lady explains we are all different and beautiful. In society today there is a pressure to be thin, but to love themselves just the way they are. She then dives right in and starts talking about puberty and the changes that happen during it.
I start giving myself a pep talk, “I got this.”
The instructor grabs a piece of paper and draws a nice sized pair of boobs. I immediately feel myself blushing, but try to keep a stern, serious, straight face. I look over at Karmyn and she is smirking. Sex Lady follows up the boob picture with “wearing a bra was a choice”…
STOP RIGHT THERE!
My daughter, (being she is developing already in that department) has no choice. She will put her A, B, C, D, DD, whatever-sized-breasts in a bra! Sex lady also tells the class if she does a survey and asks all the woman who wears deodorant to stay in the room, most of the women would walk out.
OKAY, PAUSE AGAIN!
I know deodorant is a cultural thing, but umm… my kids better wear it! I do NOT want to smell four little girls’ pubescent armpits. When they are older, if they choose to not wear deodorant or a bra, hell if they never want to shave that is fine by me. But until then, Lady’s Speed Stick and Victoria’s Secret, all day every day, twice a day if necessary!! The girls are all given a homework assignment.
Just wait for it……
The assignment is to cut out the picture of the uterus given to them, color it and when they’re naked “try it on,” by placing it on their uterus area.
Okay… I’m slightly weirded out.
Then, s**t gets real. Sex Lady turns over a huge cardboard piece and BAM! It’s a woman with her legs spread-eagle and you can basically see all the way up through her vagina to her brain
I. Almost. Died.
The room goes into hysterics. Girls are laughing, moms are laughing and Karmyn simply says “Ew.” Sex Lady goes over the parts of the vagina, their uses and even talks about masturbation. If you could only be a fly on the wall to see how uncomfortable I am. At times I can’t even look at Karmyn. But for the most part, I try to make eye contact with her, to let her know I am engaged and we are in this together. We smoothly transition from masturbation into what happens when you get your first period. We go over the signs, symptoms and how it is a part of becoming a young woman and it is to be celebrated. Karmyn leans over and asks, “Can I celebrate my period by going to the mall to go shopping?”
My kind of girl. Any excuse to spend money.
The girls are shown how to wear pads and tampons and the instructor even takes a pad out the package, sticks it on her shirt and wears it like a badge of honor for the rest of class. Sex lady opens up the floor for a question and answer segment.
Oh, GOD. Please don’t call on me!
The segment is not what I think. The girls and mothers are able to anonymously write down questions and the instructor will answer them. I enjoy this part. A lot of common questions are addressed, some questions that I’m sure a little girl wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying out loud. The segment ends the first session. The instructor gives each girl a small bag with a gift inside. During the ride home, it’s pretty quiet. I asked Karmyn if she had any questions and she asked me what to tell daddy if he asked her what we talked about at class and I told her to tell him, “It was for girls only.”
During the ride home, it’s pretty quiet. I ask Karmyn if she has any questions (I pray she doesn’t) and she asks me what to tell daddy if he asks her what we talked about in class and I told her to tell him, “It’s for girls only.” We get home, walk in the house and Marcus immediately asks Karmyn, “So how was it?”
“IT’S FOR GIRLS ONLY, DADDY.”
He didn’t even get to ask her for details, Karm nipped that convo in the bud, right away. All in all, I feel like the first session was a success. Karmyn learned about the changes she will soon undergo and now understands why mommy turned into a fire-breathing dragon once a month.
Later that evening, Karmyn opened her special gift… It was her first pad and tampon. Sweet.
On to the second session: “The Talk.”
We sit down for the second session and I am little more comfortable, a little more confident, but still jittery at the thought of actually hearing the word “sex” being said out loud in front of my daughter. The session starts off light. Sex Lady talks about feelings, actions, and consequences, and even does a little role-playing. (Not that kind.) I play the daughter and Karmyn is the mother and she has to give me advice about decision-making. It’s interesting, to say the least. Sex Lady introduces the changes boys go through. She starts off with their basic changes and a girl yells out, “SPERM!” Whoa young fast one, we aren’t even there yet. Sex Lady has us all say the word “penis” out loud, as if we were all saying “abracadabra” at the end of a magic trick…
BOOM, a picture of a fully-erected penis pops up.
I turn my head and to smooth over the awkwardness I blurt out,
“TAH DAH!” (I couldn’t think of anything else).
As Sex Lady continues on Karmyn is very confused about sperm and where it goes after it leaves the body. She leans over and asks me, “Does it go on the wall?”
Shit. She’s clueless.
Now it’s baby making talk time. I am totally flustered. I think I am going to have to make an emergency exit to the nearest bathroom. Before Sex Lady can even say the word sex, Karmyn says, “I know what word she’s going to say.” She writes down three letters on a piece of paper and conspicuously slides it to me. The paper reads,
Holy smokes, she really doesn’t have a clue!
The instructor goes into great detail about sex, how babies are made and how sex is a mature decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. I appreciate this part of the class. She then talks about what happens during sex.
At this point, I’m pretty much sweating. But, I play it off real coo’.
As details and graphics displayed, I think about happy thoughts and pink bunnies to keep my face neutral. I continue to make eye contact with Karmyn to give the illusion that I am one hundred percent comfortable.
The instructor tells the class that sex is “enjoyable and pleasurable.” I’m dead at this point. I want to crawl under a rock, but this class is all facts. She’s right, it’s meant to be pleasurable when you’re with the right person. We continue to go over even more fun stuff, like STD’s. Karmyn is still listening, but I can tell she isn’t really interested. I wonder why?
The class closes with a few more awkward questions and a, “Now go out into the world and become a wonderful young woman,” statement.
As Karmyn and I walk to the car, I am trying to figure out how she felt about the class. I ask her what she thinks about everything and she says,
“So, God gave you your baby right?”
Oh my Lord.
She missed the entire point. Which explains why she mentally checked out of the class after the baby talk! She knew the whole “having sex to make a baby” didn’t apply to her, nor me, because GOD implanted the baby himself!
Bless her little naive heart.
I have to break it down and the only way I know how. I want to keep it real… so I say,
“We all have sex to create babies. I had sex with your dad, Grandma had sex with Papa Chill and Granny had sex to have my mom. But God knows you’re going to be put into my tummy, even before I do.”
Way to smooth things over Jess.
Karmyn simply says, “Aye yai, yai.”
I think her little ten-year-old mind is BLOWN! In that moment, everything we talked about in class made sense.
Once we get home, Marcus once again asks Karmyn what she learned. Karmyn looks at me for approval and I give her the “okay” nod.
We sit down together and talk for a long time. We fill Marcus in on what we learned and we even go a little bit deeper into sex. Marcus and I tell her about the pressures she may face from boys and most importantly that she can come to us ANYTIME to talk and we will be there. We will always be open and honest.
As Karmyn and I walk out of the room, she turns to me and says,
“Thank you for having the talk with me.”
This was all the confirmation I need. I did the right thing by stepping out of my comfort zone and taking her to the class. This class opened up a dialogue between Karmyn and me in a safe environment. It made the awkward “sex talk” a lot less awkward. It not only helped Karmyn, but it helped me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to introduce puberty changes and the topic of sex to Karmyn and this was the perfect catalyst. I didn’t want to promote sex, I simply wanted to strike up a conversation.
A Great Conversation, that is.
One kid down, four more to go…
Here is the Great Conversations website. Remeber there are classes for boys too! https://www.greatconversations.com