Many people ask how Marcus and I keep the romance alive and hot in our marriage. Let’s face it, Marcus and I started dating 12 years ago. We basically jumped right in, skipped six steps and started having babies… back-to-back, to-back. Five kids equaled five years of living with a psychotic, hormonal, pregnant lady. Now, that is a real turn on! Our oldest child is 11 now, which means kids have been controlling every aspect of our relationship and lives for 11 years. Not to mention, after I pop a kid out, I let them sleep with us, (sleeping in the MIDDLE) for almost two years a piece.
If that is not romantic then I don’t know what is.
Through all of the babies, the ups and downs, the hormones and havoc, we STILL have spice and romance in our marriage. Here’s why:
We make sure to date as often as possible. Whether it’s dinner or just being home alone, kid free and in silence. We don’t even have to talk, just being in each other’s presence without the constant crying, nagging and fighting of our children, speaks VOLUMES in itself.
We spend the night AWAY from our kids and OUTSIDE of our home.
I cannot express enough how spending a night outside of your normal surroundings can really spice things up. If you can make it happen, go out of town for a little weekend getaway. If you’re unable to leave town, plan a local getaway; simply staying the night at a local hotel is perfect. There is something about a change of scenery that does wonders in the romance department. When we get the chance to stay in a hotel for a night, we’re just more relaxed. We’re able to recalibrate and really enjoy each other’s company.
We check in and communicate with each other when we are feeling disconnected.
I believe, out of all the ways to keep the romance going, this is most important. Everyone knows that communication is key in every successful relationship. It is crucial in the romance department. When I’m feeling like I need more attention, more time and even more compliments, I communicate it with my husband. (I know needing more compliments sounds shallow, but everyone wants to hear they’re the hottest, greatest person from their partner… or at least I do). At first, I was expressing my concerns way more than Marcus. Actually, I was the only one expressing anything. But over time, as I continued encouraging him to check in with me, he started expressing his wants and needs, too. Once our desires and needs are put out there, it helps us be accountable for making sure they’re met, therefore, keeping the flame alive.
We use love as our foundation.
This is the most simple of them all. No matter how much time we spend together or apart, whether we have time to date or not, if we have the opportunity to change our scenery, go on a mini-vacay or whether we’re communicating or even if I’m not speaking to him because I’m irritated… all you need is love. Love trumps all. When you truly love someone, it doesn’t matter what you do, there will always be a spark. Our love for each is the driving force that keeps our romance alive.
Here are some other ways to spice up your romance:
- Surprise your partner. Whether with flowers, a card or doing something that you don’t ordinarily do, the element of surprise can spark romance.
- Tell your partner, often, how much they mean to you. The power of the tongue is everything!
- Try new things… and I’m not talkin’ about sushi. :o)
- Hold hands, hug and kiss more. Something as simple as a hand-hold can be magic.
- Laugh and be silly with each other. Laughter is good for the soul and it’s good to lighten the mood. When you’re in a good mood, you’re more likely to feel spicy!
- Date, without your phone! (I’m guilty on this one). Putting away your phone allows you to fully be engaged with your partner, gaze into each other’s eyes, share deep meaningful conversations and get the fire lit.
This, my friends, is my advice on how to keep the romance alive! My hope for you is that this Valentine’s day is one filled with love, romance, and spice!